Father & Sons

On the way up to Father and Sons Nathan saw this beautiful scene, tractor in the middle of the field, rainbow behind by the mountains and pulled the car over.  He tossed Harlow up on the tractor and got this great shot.  Glad he did cause it's beautiful and the tractor was gone the next day when they were coming back home.  Funny, Harlow talked about this the whole weekend but he always brought up seeing the rainbow or even a double rainbow (you can just barely see the second one right by his head) but never mentioned the tractor.

Some fun in the tent.

Harlow has marshmallow, chocolate and dirt all over his face...man, he's cute

Now there are 2 mighty cute boys!

Goodness, they are so cute together, just the best of buds!

Memorial Day

Going through Memory Boxes

My parents were planning on retiring this next year but have just been asked not to but instead to extend 3-6 years and to move to the Bay area, where my Papa will be the head of the institute in Saratoga and oversee 4 stake's seminaries in the surrounding area. They will move there at the beginning of August.

So you'd think that now we're all adults me and my siblings would have grabbed all of our junk from Mom and Dad's house by now... Actually Nathan and I have been trying to take our "stuff" back home with us a little bit at a time, most times we go to visit since we've been married.  I lived at home longer than any of my other siblings and so I think I had the most stuff.

Anyways, the point of all this is that my parents brought up 5 boxes of my stuff when they came up the other day and I've been sorting through them. At first I thought "Why on earth did I keep all this stuff?!" Things like old programs and letters, posters and pamphlets, thank you cards and wedding invitation... I still threw most of it away but as I read them it touched my heart how many people I have loved and have loved me in my life, and how many awesome opportunities I've had. 

I got to work as EFY counselor and BC for 3 years in Arizona and Las Vegas and all over the Midwest. There were envelopes of notes, letters, and pictures from my EFY kids and counselors I was blessed to worked with. I thought of all the fun and crazy things we did and I sat there laughing in the kitchen. I'm still friends with many of them but it made me want to check up on all of them, send them my love back and just say thank you for the influence they had on me and how much their little notes meant to me all these years later. 

I got to go study abroad in Florence, Italy and visit beautiful places like Venice, Verona, and cinque terre, as well as backpack through Rome, Paris, and Berlin. I found a poster for a benefit concert I put together in order to raise finds to go there.  My study abroad was only made possible because of very generous donations from friends and family (nearly $2,000!).  In one of the boxes I found that list, paper clipped to a stack of congratulation and well wishing cards.

Programs and pamphlets from operas and musicals I'd sung in, awards I had won, notes from music classes and voice lessons, thank you notes from singing at funerals... 

Before my mission my mom took me on two separate temple trips. One up to the Utah Temples and the other to the California temples. There was a pamphlet from each of the temples we visited together. My heart filled with love for my mom who took the time to take me to all those temples and who taught me to love the temple in the first place. I thought back on how much fun we had together and how much I grew spiritually. Those few months before my mission were very hard and the temple literally became a sanctuary for me.

Letters from old boyfriends, first boyfriends, stockers, and countless journal entries where I go on and on about all the boys I liked and that like me.  My spelling is horrendous, my hand writing less then beautiful, pictures that are not so stunning but the memories were awesome.  Going through them and seeing all these funny things made me remember this one day, years ago, me, Mom, and Whitney were sitting going through memory boxes and we were laughing at how dumb we were/sounded.  I remember Mom went and got her small white journal and started reading to us.  "My friends are..." and she listed like a page full of people, then she said "There are so many more, but it would take WAY too long to list them all!"  We were all laughing so hard that we had tears running down our faces.  There were tons of journal entries like this that she read to us, all of them had us holding our sides from laughing super hard.  It was fun to see how funny, just like me, my mom was when she was little, when you think you are so cool and all that and how ridiculous you really sounded but you look back on them.  My Mom's so fun and down to earth, we can laugh about how silly we were; I'm sure she pulled it out to cheer me up and show me that we were all once like that.

There were letters from friends I've had over the years, people that were some of my closest friends.  They had huge impacts on me.  Not that I've forgotten them but sometimes I forget just how influential they really were in my life, helping me grow into the person that I am today.  Lindsay Snow, Marci Porter, Daniel Scow, JR Payne, Ryan Leavitt, Kevin Gunderson, Annie Marrie, Chris Noorda, Sorella Carrol, Janessa Evans, Ambre Pitkin, Jasmin, the Redaelli family, Constanza Purpari, Sorella Booth and MacKinnon, Erica Tello, Nick Baker, Sorella Giammaria, Loren Noel, Daniel Jolly, Kim Drusedum, Robert Wilhelm....

There were sweet letters from my Mommy.  I think I love notes/letters so much because she wrote me so many.  All of them praised me, told me how amazing I was, and how lucky she felt to be my Mom.  She would leave me these loves notes often.  I have never questioned whether my Mom loved or believed in me, never.  Even when I had my rough years, my mothers love was never questioned because she was always there for me, loving me, expressing faith and confidence in me, praying for me, wanting me to succeed.

Letters from siblings.  Seth and I went to High School together and we were best buds.  I found a sweet letter from Brandi Lynn that I don't know if I'll ever be able to throw it away.  Whitney's funny drawings of me being all boy crazy and of Moons with our moon song.  She's one of my very best friends in this entire world!

I have had a beautiful life!  I am so tremendously blessed!

He's really Smiling

Kelton has been starting to show some little what you think might be and probably are smiles but today he gave me some huge, unmistakeable, real smiles!  It was so fun to have him look up at me and respond with those full face, twinkly eyed, open mouth grins.  Today was also the first day that I noticed him cooing. He's getting so big!  He's not my little newborn anymore.  Kelton is my long fellow.  When he stretches himself out fully he is almost too long for his 0-3m clothes but they are huge parachutes around his middle.  His feet are also long.  He's chunking up too.  His cheeks are nice and full and he's starting to go a little pudge on his legs, not tons but enough to make a little line of a roll.  He has a strong neck and is holding his head up very well.  His eyes are able to follow moving objects more quickly and he's opening his hands more.  He's more awake, a few hours at a time.  Harlow tries to show his toys or tricks to him.  When Kelton was born I told Harlow that if he'd click his tongue it would help the baby look at him. So he says "look Baby Kelton," click click click and puts it/himself right in his face.

Its just about June and we haven't turned the AC on yet but already I am worried about how warm he's getting.  His head and his body feel warm/hot while his feet and hands feel cool.  I have been dressing him in onsies to try and help him stay cooler.  At night is the hardest because he likes to be swaddled but that makes him hot.  I have been swaddling him in only a diaper and that seems to help but then the swaddle slips off him.  He is a tummy sleeper...but they've been saying not to let babies sleep on their tummies for fear of SIDS...I still do it but for naps and try to keep a close eye on him. It helps because his arms are secure against the ground giving him the comfort of the swaddled feel while still letting him be cool.  I would do it at night too but I just get a little nervous about it in the bassinet.  Maybe when I move him to the portacrib (he's nearly too long for the bassinet now) or real crib I'll try that.  When Harlow was little he was a tummy sleeper too but he would roll over and put himself on his tummy, I didn't have to.  I remember talking to nurses about it and most of them said that once he was old and strong enough to roll himself over onto his tummy and that's what he was doing then he was fine.  But one nurse told me to turn him over onto his back when I'd go in to check on him...That'd wake him up and get him crying, No Thank You.

A funny story from a few weeks ago.  I was loading some stuff into the car and Kelton was asleep on the couch.  When I was outside I heard Harlow say "Baby Kelton" so I ran in quick.  (When I hear that I know that Harlow is by Kelton giving him somekid of attention, I jsut have to make sure it is good attention and not attention like laying on top of him...which has happened many times...I'll share a story of this next*.)  I come inside to see Harlow standing beside the couch, Kelton hanging from his arms - one arm is around his neck and the other is under his arm and up around his neck with a huge grin on his face, obviously proud of the incredible helper he is being.  I quickly scooped Kelton up out of Harlow's grasp but had to have a little laugh inside.  It is an adventure having 2 and I love it!  This reminded me of a story of Ammon and Becca.  Becca was only a few months old and Ammon was about Harlow's age.  Mom put Becca down on the bed and was doing dishes.  The next thing she knew Ammon was coming down the hallway carrying little tiny Becca around the neck and under the arm, just like Harlow had done to Kelton.  It is fun to be having similar experiences to my Mom and thinking of her as a new Mom of two.

*Here's the story: We were down in Las Vegas for Sara and Spencer's Wedding, Kelton is 2 weeks old.  We stayed with my parents and they have a waterbed.  I had put Kelton down there to nap while I finished getting ready.  I hear "Baby Kelton" (which as I said above always makes me hurry back to Kelton) so I race to their room.  There on the water bed is a Kelton sandwich!  It goes waterbed, Ketlon, and Harlow right on top.  I pulled Harlow off so fast; poor little Kelton, he seriously could have been suffocated!  Holy Toledo Harlow!

When Kelton is in the baby swing Harlow likes to go watch him, tries to share the swing with him, or just plain lays down right on top of him.  We need to keep a close eye on both these boys.  You better watch out Harlow, in a few years Kelton won't just lay there and let you squash him.

scare

Tuesday I had my 6 week check with Dr Broberg.  Becca watched the boys for me so I could go alone.  The visit went well and he said I am a good healer.  I had an IUD placed; that went super well, no plain or complications and off I went.  I picked up Zupas for me and Becca and while we were eating our lunch and visiting I got a call from Valley OB/GYN.  There had been a misunderstanding, one nurse thought the other nurse looked while that nurse thought the other one had...no one had  looked at the results from the pregnancy test...and it was positive... I was stunned!  She said it might be a faulty test, it may be that I have tissue still inside of me from the delivery or I may in fact be pregnant, I needed to come back into the office as soon as I could...my brain is going a million miles an hour now! Part of me is excited that I could be pregnant again, part of me is really not ready for that yet.  I did not want a DNC! Would they do that or give me a pill to contract the tissue out?  I called Nathan, he was thrilled that we might be pregnant again.  Becca watched the boys again.  On my way in I called Mom, tearing up as we talked.  She is such a huge support for me.

I re-took the pregnancy test and we waited.  I started to ask questions (ex. if I am pregnant and an IUD was just put in me could that cause a miscarriage, would the hormones hurt the baby, if it's tissue will I have a DNC, would that be in office or at the hospital??????) but then told myself to calm down and just get the test results, then go from there.  It was negative! I could go home, we were all clear, must have been a faulty test.

I went back to Becca's to pick up the boys and she had just put Harlow down for his nap, so I took a nap too.  Emotions can tucker you right out.  When I was still at Becca's house a few hours later I got another call from the dr office.  As soon as I saw the caller ID my brain started going again.  Sure enough it was the nurses again telling me she had waited a few more minutes and looked again and the test had turned positive.  They asked me to go to the hospital since the office was closing and get my blood work done.  Again...  I had Jessica Johnson watch Harlow this time and I took Kelton in with me.  When the technician called me back she commented on how cute Kelton was then asked how old he was.  "6 Weeks" and she just stopped, turned and looked at my paper work.  "Is this for a pregnancy test?"  I told her I think I preferred being pregnant over having tissue still there and she kindly said "oh no, take the tissue."  She had twins, they're hard and she thought this might be even harder than twins.  She was worried about the IUD being in me too.

She gave me my test number and the number to the Lab.  She told me to call them that evening.  They don't give you answers/a diagnosis but they will tell you the results.  So this tech. told me that if the number is anything less than 5 I am not pregnant nor have tissue remaining.  If it is a 5 or higher then I'll be in with the dr the next day.  I am glad she told me.  When I called that evening they said it was less than 2 - I slept much better that night knowing.  And it was confirmed the next day, Really Cleared this time.  3 dr visits later and my mind spinning nearly the entire day - What a Relief!!

What a Good Big Brother

Sometimes when Kelton is fussy, I'll catch Harlow say "Baby Kelton, don't worry" and he'll pat him on the back or give him a kiss.  Harlow loves his little brother.  Every time we go any where Harlow asks "Mom, where's baby Kelton?" like he's afraid we were going to leave him.  Harlow wants to hold Kelton, tries to pick him up on his own, lays next to him and pulls him over right next to him to cuddle.

Harlow is getting to be such a good big brother.  He is much more gentle with and around Kelton then he use to be.  We still have issues with him throwing stuff at the baby or knocking the baby on the head, but overall he does great.  I think Harlow understand that Mommy and Baby just go together now, but it is a different story when Nathan holds Kelton.  As soon as Nathan picks him up Harlow suddenly wants to be "Baby Harlow" and for Daddy to hold and cuddle with him.  He climbs up on Nathan's lap and closes his eyes and starts making baby noises.  He doesn't like to share Daddy with the baby, Daddy is Harlow's.  It doesn't help that Nathan eggs him on by taking Kelton in his arms and making sure to say "Oh Kelton, You're My FAVORITE Baby" loud enough for Harlow to unmistakeably hear...Dad's such a tease.

Harlow is also such a big helper for Mommy.  I can ask Harlow to go get me new a diaper or rash cream, or throw dirty diapers away in the trash, which he totally does.  I will sometimes ask Harlow if Kelton is awake or sleeping when I'm bouncing him up on my shoulder...they are all little things but they seriously do help and he loves doing them for me and being my special helper.

USSynthetic Crawdad Boil

1 Month Old

This Mother's Day

My 2 Little Boys

Being a Mother, nothing compares.  There are long, hard days full of dirty diapers, piles of laundry, tears, fits, and temper tantrums. Oh Yes.  But more importantly there are crazy faces, silly voices, big hugs, wet kisses, gas bubble smiles, sticky wiggly fingers, food covered faces saying "I love you", heads resting on my shoulder, tickly fingers chasing me down, hiding while whistling so they can find me, rocking, cuddling, naked bums in the bathtub or running around your house, giggles, singing favorite songs multiple times in a row upon request, bug watching & catching, tiny toes, newborns calming to Mommy's touch & voice, watching them sleep, looking into their eyes to see their sweet little souls, touching their soft skin, saying hi & befriending everyone you pass, listening to them breath, first words and sounds, discovering imaginations, fort building, a tiny hand holding onto your finger, being the one they run to when they're happy, sad, scared, excited.

Motherhood, this is what I have wanted my entire life!  

I am grateful for a mother who showed me how to love being a mother and how to love her children. 

Our Sweet Little Kelton's Arrival

It was Sunday night, we were face-timing with family. I was 39 weeks pregnant and feeling ready to have the baby.  Later that night Nathan asked me if I felt like the baby was going to come soon.  I said I thought so but I was afraid to even say that out loud and have it not come.

Old wives tales must be true ;) and that night around 12:30 my water broke, at least I was pretty sure my water broke. If my water hadn't broken I was having some serious control issues. Mild contractions started and I thought if I was going to have this baby I needed to get some rest.   I was finally able to fall asleep around 4.  When I woke up at 6 with Nathan I wasn't having many contractions. I told him to still go to school since nothing was really happening. I tried to clean up the house and keep moving to see if it would start my contractions up again; it worked a little but not much. I called my Mom to let her know my water had broke.  She told me to wait ;) and quickly jumped in the car to race to clock with a 6 hour drive from Vegas to Provo, trying to make it for the birth.  (**A Huge Thanks to Aunt Susan, Ammon & Kirsten, Dad & Paul for all pitching in to help with Grandma Ras so Mom could be available to come up here to be with us!!) When Nathan was done with CapStone at about 10:30 he came home and we went on a walk. I got Harlow down for his nap and called Britney Noyce to come watch him. Nathan and I got to the hospital at about 11:30 and were admitted right away. They confirmed my water was broken and told us we were not going home without a baby. 

We met with Dr. Broberg to talk about goals, expectations, and make a game plan.  (I've only met with dr. Broberg once before but I had watched Him deliver Brielle. I've been very impressed with him.) He was so encouraging and believed in me! That helped me believe in myself! They started me on a tad bit of pit at 1:30 and contractions started right up. 

Interjection: I've wanted to go 'natural' for a long time. This is one reason why I really didn't want to have Cholestasis, be induced, or put on pit. (With Harlow I had a hard recovery. I was so sore for so long! I believe that part of that was because I was a first-time mom but I know the episiotomy, the tear and the hemorrhoids did not help. Also, I was induced with Harlow because of Cholestasis at 38 weeks. My body was just not ready to have the baby yet so the induction was very hard on me.  This time my body was ready to have the baby and helped itself along.) The desire to go 'natural' was like a two-faced coin. Part of me has wanted to go natural, to fully experience childbirth  and I've had this desire for years. The other side of the coin was that I was terrified to. I knew it would be painful and I still remembered how hard it was with Harlow. How do you decide when you have such a drive to accomplish yet such a great fear of the same exact thing... 

My main goal was to go unmedicated, of course that fell underneath the goal of having a healthy baby boy. (This is the goal that I talked to Dr. Broberg about and he believed in me. I had seen him believe in and encourage Becca as she had Brielle unmedicated.) Nathan was there to help and encourage me and so was Becca. The contractions started up and we breathed through them. They became more intense and I started to get a little scared. Nathan let me know an epidural was totally an option (haha, for which I wanted to hit him). I decided to wait until the doctor checked me to decide if I was going to continue on unmedicated or get an epidural. Thank goodness I was progressing; I was at a 5. I started believing I could do it! 15 minutes later I was at a 7. The contractions were very intense but when they were done I was able to laugh and even joke around with the nurses and Nathan. (The contractions were not as intense/scary as they were with Harlow)

Nathan and Becca were a huge help to me! I was all over the place, wanting one thing one moment and completely the opposite the next and they did everything I asked right when I asked them to do it. Nathan stayed by my side the entire time, helping and telling me I was doing an amazing job! Hearing that and hearing him gave me so much strength! (Just thinking about it now brings tears to my eyes)

I was in the pushing stage when I heard my Mommy's voice! She had made it! Only minutes later the baby was born.

Within three hours of starting me on the pitocin our sweet baby boy was born. The umbilical cord had been wrapped around his neck so when he was placed on my chest he was all purple; a bit of a scary sight for new mommies but he pinked right up. 7 lbs. 2 oz., dark hair and just as beautiful as can be. After looking at his sweet little face for a bit we decided to call him Kelton McKay Andersen.

Holding him in my arms makes my heart want to burst! My little piece of heaven! And being together with my family, my Nathan and our 2 little boys - Oh, I dare say, life can not get much better!  This is what it's all about!  This is what true joy and happiness it!  

 

I am no longer scared of childbirth.  After delivering Harlow I could not have said that, I was terrified of childbirth! The thought of having another baby and going through that again was something I didn't even want to think of for months and months.  I think what added to my fear of the pain was the fact that I felt as though I had run away from the medicated contractions by getting an epidural. That pain, along with worrying about my baby had been too much and I didn't want to face it. That fear still lingered. My fear started to go away when I had the miscarriage.  I passed it when my body was ready, on my own at home, Nathan cheering me on then as well.  With that, I knew I was strong.  It was very challanging both physically and emotionally, but I did it, grew from it, and moved forward.  With this birth approaching I still felt calm.  Again, I felt that my body was ready and also that I stood up and faced childbirth, allowed my body to do what God made it to do, and conquered one of my greatest fears. By doing that, by facing my fear and being successful, realizing that my body did an amazing thing, I no longer have the fear. I can do it! I did it!

It really is an empowering feeling to know that I have delivered a baby on my own. I feel like Wonder Woman! I really totally do! I also feel an amazing sense of connection with women throughout the history of the world! 

 ***THANK YOU Becca Laing for these beautiful & amazing 

pictures! You were able to capture so many emotions 

& moments.  Looking through them brings tears to my 

eyes.  God be blessed for giving us women the gift & 

ability to bring children into the world!