Grandma, Grandpa & Ellie (BIG)

We were pumped to have the Andersens visiting this long Memorial Day weekend! We missed Jenna but were glad to have Mom, Dad, and Ellie with us! Harlow loved having us all together, there were always willing and available play pals!

They came to support me at my piano and guitar students recital.  It was simple but meant a lot that they came.  My kids did a great job and afterwards to celebrate all the hard work they've put into their instruments we got pizza and popsicles...fancy, yes, I know...that was at their request and they loved it!

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Ellie and I went shopping out at Cozy together and she got a super cute Maxi skirt.  Late Saturday night we had to hit up a snowcone shack.  Gotta admit, I was disappointed in their Tigers Blood.  It was my all time favorite last year and this one kinda tasted like feet, not gonna lie :( BooHoo!  But it was fun to spend all this time just Ellie and I!  She's such a sweetheart and has a good head on her shoulders (most of the time ;) hehe)  I am grateful for this beautiful sister-in-law of mine!

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We all got to hold baby raccoons!  Yes, you read right.   Now how many people do you know that can say that?! They were so stinkin' cute.   Our next door neighbor President Young (Deloy) went and got 4 baby raccoons out from under a neighbors trees by request and put them in a cage to wait for animal control to arrive.  Later, when the animal control showed up, Ranni was feeding them with a dripper and the man told her to not waist her time...have to admit, big raccoons are mean!  I wouldn't want to be left alone in a room with one - yikes!
 

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Nathan got us about 20 free strawberry plants - gotta love ksl!  Dad and Nathan went and dug them up for us.  Mom got to take some home to Vegas.  I hope they grow well for both of us.  We've already gotten some strawberries off our strawberry plants - happiness! 

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Saturday, once Harlow woke up from his super long nap, we went out to the Springville Splash Pad.  It was nice to get out and spend some time in the sun.  I think we all enjoyed ourselves.  Nathan brought his birthday present, a new electric rc car and all the kids there went nuts over it.  Harlow did a little naked time at the end before we got his dry diaper on...he'll probably not appreciate those pictures when he's older - hehe- but I just had to.

 that is the cutest little bum I have ever seen :)

high five for a fun afternoon at the park

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We drove out to Grandma and Grandpa Henderson's house for a Sunday visit.  Grandpa Henderson just returned home from having a pacemaker put in a few days earlier.  It was nice to see him. He was so enjoyable and absolutely adorable with Harlow.  He gave Harlow and me small windmills; I'm positive Harlow's going to love them. 

After a tasty dinner Grandma, Ellie, Mom, Harlow and I took a little walk to the park.

 hehe

Loved the slide

 trying out some yummy wood chips

 I know it's blurry...but it was the only one we got with Grandma and Grandpa that day

Dirty Boy

Not many things make Harlow more happy then being outside. If he has a screwdriver in his hands he will sit out with daddy all afternoon tinkering on the scooters, cars, 4wheelers, lawnmowers - you name it.  I go work In the garden and he's out there right along beside me, sitting in the dirt.  Mostly he's helpful, but he does like pulling up my flowers and eating handfuls of dirt at a time :)  We throw balls around, ride/walk/push his trike around, gets pulled around in his Tonka truck.  He loves the little windmills Grandpa Henderson gave to him and caries them with him everywhere he goes.  Needless to say that by lunch we are already pretty well dirtied and by dinner and bedtime we're normally filthy....so that's why kids gets baths right before bed.

I love it! I love it all!  I love seeing Harlow explore the world around him, discovering all the amazing new things he can do.  Following ants around, being amazed and yet still scared of wiggly worms, watching all the different robins, magpies, hummingbirds, quail, come into the yard, hop along in the grass, finding different and beautiful of flowers, eating homegrown strawberries - he makes my world bright and thrilling! Nothing that I have experienced in my life compares to the joy I have in being a wife and mother!  My life is beautiful and rich!

This dirty boy of mine holds my heart in both of his dirty hands!  He is my world!

to the "Special" park to help my heart

Pictures from May 14th, when Becca took Harlow and I to the Springville Splash Pad park.

Thank You dear sister of mine for being there for me when I needed added strength! 

You're such a blessing in my life.

Harlow was timid of the water...the little fountain was less scary so we spent most of our time there.  The river's way cute and perfect for little ones. I hope he gets use to the water fast, I plan on us spending quite a bit of time in the water this summer.

a sad day

I went in to see Dr Thorpe Tuesday (May 14th) morning for our second appointment, we were 12 1/2 weeks along.  I love my appointments, hearing the heartbeat has always been my favorite part and this would be the first time in this pregnancy (last time I only got to see it in the ultrasound).  Dr. Thorpe brought out the Doppler and started to search for that precious heartbeat but was only picking up mine.  He went to get the portable ultrasound machine.  As I laid there on the table, trying to stay calm I prayed "Heavenly Father, I really want this baby".   The ultrasound confirmed my heartbreaking news, no heartbeat.  I could see the small shape of the fetus in the ultrasound and it was nearly the same size as it was at our last appointment.  Tears slowly rolled down my face as we walked to the main ultrasound room, there we would determine when the heart had stopped beating and if there was any bleeding.  8w1d, so just shortly after our first dr appointment and normal bleeding had started.  I decided that I wanted to let it pass naturally, which could happen anytime within the next week or two.  Dr Thorpe was wonderfully sensitive and sincere.  I could almost see his heartbreaking for me.  Before I left he gave me a big bear hug and told me how sorry he was for me.  I am grateful for my Dr. 

((I had spotted a little that morning but wasn't worried about it, especially since I was going in to the dr that same morning.  In retrospect I realized that I also had light cramping the whole week before but it wasn't enough to worry me or even think anything about it - when your pregnant your body does all sorts of things that it doesn't normally.))

As I was on my way home I texted Nathan asking him to wait at home for me for just a little longer (I questioned whether I should even be driving myself home as I had a hard time seeing through my tears). Sensing something wasn't right he headed over to Jeralyn's house to pick up Harlow so I didn't have to.  When we were all together Nathan held me while I held Harlow and I let the tear fully come now.  I know Nathan was sad but I was so grateful for his strength.  Holding Harlow was the best thing for both of our hearts!

Nathan had to leave for work and school, to which he was late for now.  I put Harlow down for his nap but couldn't stay inside, it felt suffocating.  I went into the front yard and rocked myself in the rocking chair.  Strange how emotions work, I would feel calm and then suddenly, without warning my throat would tighten and the tears stung my eyes.  In my sadness I felt alone and crushed. 

Becca came as a ray of God-sent light.  She dropped everything and was with me in less than an hour.  She held me and we both cried.  She spent the afternoon with me, talking about what was happening but also taking my mind off myself and my sadness.  I am so grateful for this amazing sister and friend I have!  She came as a tender mercy and answer to prayers; so full of love for me.  She brought lunch and dinner to me.  She took us to the Springville Splash Pad to give us something to do.  She was strength to me when I was in need.

Not much happened until Saturday when I passed it.  I'll just say it felt very similar to labor.  I am thankful for a strong body.  Heavenly Father is truly miraculous and our bodies are amazing and capable things.   I was surprised by the wave of emotions that came immediately after.  I sobbed.  I have never felt such heartache.  Nathan stayed close and simply held me.  "I don't even have a baby" is all I could say.  

I did pass the amniotic sac still whole and perfect.  We had talked about whether or not we wanted to see the baby or if that would be too hard.  We decided 'Yes' and I am happy we did.  The baby was so small and white, about the size of the top section of your pinky.  It had arms and legs and little webbed fingers and toes.  Two black dots were its eyes.  We then buried it in the back yard.  I am grateful we decided to look at our baby.  It might seem strange but it gave me closure and helped my heart.  I did have a baby, and someday I will be able to hold that little one and give it the sweet kisses that for now I cannot.

I am grateful for the thoughts and prayers in our behalf.  For the meals that have been brought and the hugs that have been given.  I am blessed and loved!  

Earlier I wrote that as I lay on the table I prayed "Heavenly Father, I really want this baby".  Then as I sat outside on the rocking chair I began to think back on when we were deciding whether to try for another baby.  I got nervous but then I prayed, telling Heavenly Father that I felt like it was the right time but I was nervous and just then, a powerful and peaceful feeling came over me that Yes, it was the right time.  I looked back on that event and wondered.  Obviously, He knew I would have this miscarriage.  Yet, He had reassured me this was the right timing.  As I sat another peaceful feeling came again and calmed my heart.  It had been the right timing, the Lord knew this would happen.  There was wisdom in this.  I needed to learn something, maybe to rely more on the Lord, maybe to trust His timing, maybe I need to experience this so that I can more fully relate with others who have felt this heartache.  I do not know.  But what I do know is that Heavenly Father is keenly aware of me and my needs.  He is guiding my life.  He loves Me.  I have felt this often these past two weeks.  His peace is sweet and healing.  His timing is perfect, He is wise, and He is always near to comfort His Children. 

I love getting into Daddy's things!

We came home and I put Harlow down while I went to do some dishes.  When I was done I went into the front room where Harlow had been playing and I found him sitting with 20 air plane parts around him.  Nathan had left his small, newest airplane out on the floor and Harlow had found it and ripped it apart and bent the wings all up!  I felt so bad for Nathan.  I picked up the pieces and put them away.  Nathan had to do some mending that night.  That's not the only time Harlow's gotten into Daddy's stuff when its been left out.

Harlow loves Daddy's Planes.  We were with family and Aunt Colleen was holding him in the back yard when Nathan flew his plane over head.  Harlow looked up, pointed and said "Dada!" and started squirming to go find Nathan.  He wants to be right along side Nathan, especially when Dad is working on a project.

Here Harlow had found a small balsa wood plane and carried that thing around with him every where.  I let him, that is until he started hitting it against the ground and broke off a piece of the tail...Oops